Sunday, June 26, 2011

Baby Snooze?

I was thinking this morning about how wonderful the snooze button is, and how much I have missed mine in the last nearly five years.  Granted, that means that I have not used my alarm in the last nearly five years, but that doesn't mean I haven't used AN alarm for the last nearly five years.  Just not the one sitting on my bedside table.

No, my alarm comes in the form of a shrieking child (or two, if I am really lucky) at somewhere between 4:30 and 6:30 each and every morning.  And somehow God, in all his wisdom, forgot to put a snooze button on either one of them.

Which kind of makes me question God's wisdom, I have to be honest.

But aside from questioning, it also makes me wonder what other things God might have left out of the picture that would have better served us had it been included.  Surely the baby snooze button was not the only thing left out of the equation.  Here are some of the things I came up with:

-  Tivo for life.  Or Remote Control for life.  The ultimate Universal Remote.  Think about it... how many times have you been driving down the street and saw something out of the corner of your eye, and thought "Did I really just see that?".  How great would that be if you could somehow go back and see it again?  And don't tell me that is what my memory is for.  My memory is crap and has let me down on numerous occasions and is simply not to be trusted.  Which kind of makes you wonder about the stories I post... 

Oh, and I know that they made a movie about that with Adam Sandler, but I never saw it.  So I don't know if that fits the bill here or not, but it's a good idea, regardless.

-  Auxillary stomachs.  No. seriously.  I hate when I go pay an ungodly amount for amazing food, only to not be able to finish it all.  I don't do leftovers, typically, unless it's pizza.  Or chow mein.  Oh, or pretty much any pasta.  Or chili.  Chili's actually really good the next day.  But really, that's it.  Except cake.  I'll always eat leftover cake.  Duh.  But if I had an extra stomach, I could just keep right on eating AND have the benefit of not being hungry for, like, three days or so.  Come to think of it, that actually would be not only economical, but a time saver.  Are you listening, God?

- A mute button, because wouldn't it be cool if the second you got on the phone the kids didn't pipe up with all manner of chaos?  But they do.  Or at least mine do.  And it would completely rock if instead of spending my phone conversation yelling at them that I am on the phone and to shut the h-e-double-hockey sticks up please be quiet for mama, I could just reach out and poke some lovely button.  They could scream to their hearts content, and I could have my conversation while pretending that I have to most well minded children on the planet.  Although, come to think of it, the application of that particular idea could be bad.  I might have to rethink that one.

But muting your kids when you're on the phone would be awesome.  I'm just saying.

So back to the snooze button on my kids.  I don't have one.  (Do you??)  So that means that rather than pushing snooze, I'm getting up at somewhere between 4:30 and 6:30.  Every.  Day.  Except the days that T takes pity on me and gets up for me.  Which, while lovely and ultra apprectiated, is not quite as often as I would like.

So off we stumble, at least one, sometimes two kids and myself, down the stairs into the cold dark of our house at that awful hour (Cold because I am stingy with the heater.  Dark because, um, did ya notice the time?).  And what do you suppose is the first thing that Nugget will do when we get there?

If you guessed poop you would be half correct, because while working some magic in his diaper he is simultaneously searching for and finding (in the dark) the TV remote.  Which he promptly brings to me and pushes into my hand screeching at the top of his lungs "MEH!" which loosely translates to something along the lines of "Yo Gabba Gabba!" or maybe more accurately "Yo Gabba Gabba NOW!".

What's a girl to do?

Well, this girl turns that Gabba right on and commences making coffee so that she can see straight.

And all of this is to say - Do you suppose that I let my kids watch too much TV?

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